My Views

By S. Ali Mahmud

In my last week article entitled ‘Poor Invalid Dictator’, I encountered a comment about being grateful to Mahathir for all the developments he had brought into the country. As much as I like to agree, I would more incline to agree to disagree.

Before I dwell further, perhaps it is interesting to remind ourselves about how this man by the name of Mahathir remained as the country’s Prime Minister for more than two decades. One must not forget that how this man manipulated the democratic system of this country to ensure that he continues to be the leader of this country for the previous 22 years. Based on my recollection, when he was the president of UMNO, which technically made him president of the National Coalition party and hence the Prime Minister of this country, he barred anyone from challenging the presidency in UMNO. Thus, in reality, this man’s premiership is autocratic in nature and technically speaking, he was not really the leader the people of this country desired.

His appointment as Prime Minister aside, when Mahathir assume the role as the leader of this country, it is his responsibilities then to ensure that he was able to administer this country in accordance to the wishes of the people. Whether or not he did that over the last 22 years of his administration, I would rather all of you be the judge as the facts would speak louder than what I write in this letter. Top that, whether or not we Malaysians should be grateful to him, on personal basis, I would so NO! I do not owe him any gratitude rather I think he ought to be grateful that despite his atrocities during his ‘reign’, the Malaysian public are polite enough to not incarcerate him. In that sense, Mahathir should be grateful to us, fellow Malaysians!

As a matter of fact, we should no longer feel indebted towards our leaders. In a democratic country, leaders are ‘paid employee’ of the citizens of that particular country. They are therefore required to carry out whatever that are mandated to them by their boss. Similar to the concept of company, shareholders are actually the bosses of a company, thus creditors would go after the shareholders when a company is in liquidation and not the management. Management, in the country sense government, are appointed to carry out the administration of the country and ensure that the economy of the country continues to be solvent. To my mind, we should only be grateful towards those who truly deserved. In a political sense, only leaders who uphold justice and do not have personal interest (I know it sounds too ideal but there are still some genuine leaders around) who deserves appreciation. Else, I think we should just view them an employee.

Did Mahathir really develop the country in the real sense? If yes, who really benefited from this development? What real development are we talking about? Let’s examine some aspects of developments and their results under the reign of Mahathir:

• Education- Honestly, how many of you truly think the education system of our country is satisfactory? 50 years ago, those who merely attended school till standard six were able to speak and write both English and Bahasa Melayu well. Today, one who holds a degree is not guaranteed to be able to write properly. In the quest of dignifying the national language, most children today could hardly be fluent in either one of these languages, let alone to articulate them in writing. Beside those who are fortunate to have parents that willing to either spend extra money or time to either send their children to better schools or include additional classes such as tuition, children of those who could less afford become the victim of the education system. Looking through some of the text books and after talking to some, it is evident that the standard of education in our local public schools has deteriorated. The concept of education these days are merely ‘feed and spit’. Students are not taught the concept of think and analyse. There are times even teachers are unable to explain what they taught because they too are lack in the understanding of the subject matter. Thus, how would the process of education be interesting to these young minds? Often I feel sorry for them as I personally feel that if children are taught to learn, to understand, to analyse and to argue a particular subject matter, teaching and learning would be interesting because it should be a ‘two ways interactions’. The mindset of the young learning from the old ought to be set aside because teachers could probably learn from children too. Mahathir’s regime had turned the entire education system upside down. Though not all, but most of the students who studied under his education polices turned to become ‘submissive’ and with that Mahathir attained his objective of having a ‘compliance’ and ‘obedience’ society.

• Infrastructure- I will not dispute that we have quite an acceptable infrastructures built throughout the nation. However, I wish to highlight that roads which are constructed properly are usually toll roads. Meaning public is and will continue to pay for the construction and the maintenance of these roads. As for the non toll roads, most of them are in quite appalling conditions save and except for the roads at the privilege society’s residential areas. In addition, the toll roads are usually those that linked to residential areas of middle and low income households, adding further financial burden to these groups. The mileage and toll rates would usually cost quite substantially to these households.

• Buildings development- most Malaysians are proud of the PETRONAS Twin Tower. Mahathir once justified the building of this structure as putting the country’s on the global map. What a juvenile reason! How many of us think that the development of Putrajaya, KLCC and many other buildings are necessary? What happened to structures like Dayabumi and many others that are hardly occupied? In most countries, constructions of buildings are to accommodate the demands but in our country, buildings are built to become white elephants. Worst is the new buildings are usually structurally defect. Leakages seem to be a common problem. How much did the taxpayers pay for all these faulty structures? The man made lakes in Putrajaya, Wetland and Proton are amongst those disastrous projects! The over zealousness of developments factually is to popularise Mahathir and to enrich his cronies. The country’s ecological systems have been destroyed and sacrificed to pave way for the benefits of these ravenous contractors. As a result, the country now has to pay for various forms of natural disasters.

• Social developments- What is the state of our society today? I can give you a few scenarios to ponder. Today, generally, the Malaysian society has turned materialistic, obtuse, self centred, racist, uncouth, arrogance, irresponsible and the list go on and on. Why does the society turn into such? Well, based on my calculation, this is the result of the government socio-political landscape as this would ensure that only the selected few would be empowered to rule the country whilst the mass majority continue to be the helpless citizens. Fears are instilled with the enforcement of draconian legislations such as the Internal Security Act (ISA) to curtail and impede those who speak up and revolt against Mahathir’s system. The absurdity of administration is further evident by our surroundings. For e.g. the ‘allergy’ of local councils and city halls to the natural plants which resulted in them being ct down and replaced with the fake/plastic trees seemed to be the priority of the local councils and city halls. I am still perplexed if members of these local councils and/or city halls are aware that plastic trees can never produce oxygen or absorb water like the natural tress?

• Economy- This country is blessed with natural resources which could rightly made it another ‘dragon’ of Southeast Asia. Nonetheless, corruptions, unnecessary developments and wrong investments resulted in unnecessary wastage of this country’s income. Ever wonder why our country never seemed to be able to compete with Singaporean economy? Until this very day, I resent the success of Singapore (in a very positive way) as I know if the country is properly managed, we could have been either be as good as if not better than Singapore. This country appears to have all the wrong ingredients for its wealthy management. The employment of obtuse and dim-witted human capitals coupled by a tyrant leaderships definitely result in weak and wasteful economy. In terms of our country’s economic progression, we should turn green eye when our island republic neighbour is able to inject capital into world renowned institutions via its Sovereign Wealth Funds whereas our country’s investment arm is nothing but a mediocre investor. The list of investment by far has yet to impress me as these companies aren’t those that belonged to what I would call ‘A list’ companies. Even the Middle Eastern countries, which are lavish in their spending, are prudent to invest their wealth in worthy investments. Shouldn’t we all ask what happened to the revenues gained from the export of our black gold? We have seen how monies are spent extravagantly by building the ‘tallest’, ‘biggest’, ‘narrowest’ and almost ‘most crooked’ (or any other that would qualify to be in the World Guinness Record) without much considerations whether these would benefit the people of the country. Glamour appears to prevail over the necessity of projects to the public. Too much money has been spent on wasteful projects that purely benefit Mahathir, his cronies, the hand-kissing members of UMNO and gang. Perhaps it is worth to remember that this is the public’s money which neither belongs to Mahathir nor his cronies. Hence spending this money should rightly benefit the entire population of this nation rather than the selected ones.

To continue writing about how much destructions Mahathir had done to this country probably would require me to produce them in entire encyclopaedia’s version. However, the aforementioned are merely the summary of what I am able to think of for time being. The only credit I probably would generously give to Mahathir is his brevity to disagree with the superpower.

My fellow countrymen, we never owe our leaders anything. We appoint them to serve us and to carry out jobs and mandates that we desire. They are all compensated with decent remunerations and exempted from paying income taxes. That is rewarding enough. If they are not satisfied, perhaps they ought not to offer themselves to be in politics.

By S. Ali Mahmud

Freedom of religion is one of the fundamental rights guaranteed to every individual in this country. This fundamental law of the land assures all the subject of this country the right to profess the religion o f their choice except those who are born into the faith of Islam and in some cases, those who had converted to the faith of Islam.

Professing a faith in the paper or identity card is one thing but practising the religion one believes in is another. In the case of most Muslim in Malaysia, there are many who many have ‘Islam’ indicated in their identity card but practising the faith is completely different. To my mind, professing a religion means to embrace the religion in totality and not partially. The teachings in all religions should rightly forbear their followers from committing atrocities. The same goes here, it is pointless to have a Muslim name and yet behaving worst than Hitler.

As a Muslim in this country, I find that Islam has been taken for granted by its followers. I want to offer my view with regard to the Syariah Court’s decision in Siti Fatima Abdullah’s case. The syariah Court of Penang made a landmark decision in allowing Siti Fatimah tan Abdullah to renounce Muslim faith after finding that neither her former husband nor the religious authority had taken any effort to ensure that Siti Fatima was embracing the religion and her welfare is well taken care of. As such, a decree allowing her renunciation of the faith was granted.

Malik Imtiaz Sarwar’s article explored the legal aspect of the case. It is extremely interesting when he mentioned:

’Regardless of the convenience of the Siti Fatimah decision, it cannot be a good thing. Media reports suggest that the Penang syariah court was swayed by Siti Fatimah not having been given proper advice about Islam by her former husband and the Islamic authorities. This means that the court could take a different view of those who were born into the faith, such as Lina Joy, or those who made a decision to embrace Islam after due consideration. The court would after all be at liberty to do so if it were vested with a discretion.

I am concerned that the decision may distract from meaningful and coherent efforts aimed at ensuring a just and constitutional solution to the issue of apostasy.’

I agree with Malik’s view with regard to the discretion given to the court to determine whether or not one should be allowed to leave the religion. Where such cases are presided in Malaysia, Muslim judges in particular are plagued with guilt when they have to deliberate on this issue and their reason is primarily because these judges are fearful of being deemed ‘subaha’ or conspire in an act condemned by the Islamic faith. Ironically, in other cases, they are less conscientious about ‘subaha’ even when those are obvious evil acts.

To my mind, the existing judicial system, particularly judges who are cognisant of ‘amar ma’ruf, nahi mungkar’, there should be no differences in deliberating cases involving apostasy and any other cases. It is crucial that these judges are cognisant of the facts of the case and to preside them in the best interest of justice.

In the case of apostasy for example, the freedom of religion granted under Article 11 of the Federal Constitution itself guarantees everyone the right to profess the religion of their choice. The only restriction imposed in this Article is propagation of other religious doctrine may be controlled or restricted amongst Muslims. On the surface of this Article, apostasy is not disallowed. Thus, why are the judges so reluctant to grant the order of one renouncing the faith of Islam? Is this because they are mindful that they would be deemed to be conspirator to an evil act? If so, what about cases where justice are denied on those who already been oppressed? In what way do these cases differ from apostasy cases?

I agree that as a Muslim, it is one of their fundamental duties to observe the concept of ‘Amar Ma’ruf, nahi mungkar’. However, such concept is not merely applicable to one’s convenience. It should be applicable to all cases in all circumstances. This concept of promoting goodness and prohibiting evils does not merely confine to raiding discothèques but subject those arrested to all forms of humiliations. It certainly does not confine to the act of denying one his/her right to renounce Islam, but preside favourably for those who evidently oppress others.

To my mind, religion is something one needs to appreciate and understand before they could embrace in totality. In usual circumstance, we are taught about our religion by our parents as it is their desire that we share and continue to remain in their faith. However, human beings develop and most of their time, exposure to surroundings will influence one in the view with regard to life. In search of answers to the questions that linger in the mind, coupled by the search for an answer, one ultimately would decide the course of life he/she intends to live in. It is crucial to remember that not every personality in this world share similar ideas regarding life. Some want to be rich and famous whilst other may be content with a peaceful life.

Different people have different approach and appreciation towards their faith. Even amongst those who may profess the same faith, their understanding and practice may vary as it depends deeply on what they have been taught and how they apply that to their daily life. Thus, that explains why some become fundamentalist whilst others don’t. The issue with Malaysian Muslims unfortunately is that there is an expectation that every Muslim in this country ought to think alike. Anyone who holds a differing point of view would be deemed to have deviated from the religion. As a result, the religion is viewed to be extremely stifling especially for those who do not understand the underlying principles.

I am very fortunate for being born into a family that always encourages progressive thinking. Despite such liberation, there is always a fine line which my parents constantly remind me of, in case of doubt, always seek the guidance from the Almighty. Till these very days, I continue to seek for answers to many questions that I have with regard to my faith. I do not want to merely accept what is taught. As required by God, we ought to constantly use our intelligent faculty to question and to develop further so that the religious teaching continues to be dynamic in accordance with the progression of time. I remember once I shared with my childhood friends about my visits to temples with my aunties, it was a taboo then and their reaction to my statement was beyond word. Initially, I though I may had sinned as I was not sure if my action was right or wrong, However, over time, I realised that it was more of a taboo to some Muslims to visit other faiths’ places of worship whist Islam has never forbid its followers from visiting these places.

Any person who advocates freedom of religion as provided in the Federal Constitutions frequently received the sigh of ‘masha Allah’ by their fellow Muslims. Why? To my mind, I rather a person be truthful of his/her faith than to pretend to be a Muslim. It is worst when one claims to be a Muslim when his/her attributes do not at all reflect what is required of as the follower of the religion. What is the purpose when we are so embroiled in lifestyles which do not conform to our religious teaching but adamantly labelled ourselves as Muslims? Why not called ourselves ‘spiritual’ and silent on which faith you truly believe in? After all, your spiritual believe and attributes would speak for itself even when your identity card stated otherwise.

Flipping on the other side of the coin, ‘Amar Makruf, Nahi Mungkar’ may also work in favour of Lina Joy’s situation. People who defended Lina Joy are factually trying to stop hypocrisy from crippling into the Muslim community. Has anyone ever thought about that? There is only so much we can do as per the expectation from a fardhu Kifayah point of view. At the end of the day, it is the individual who decides which faith he or she chooses to be in.

We must not only look at those defending Lina Joy and others who endorse the renunciation of Islamic faith as enemy of Islam. Indeed, they are helping to weed out the hypocrisy within the Muslim community. Why should one remains in a faith that he/she no longer believes in? In trying to rehabilitate those whom the authority deemed deviant, what really is the action plan and the underlying objective of such institution?

To my mind, force will result in revolt. Just like any teenager, when parents prohibit them from doing certain things, they are more incline to defy their parents. However, when parents explain the reason why certain matters are disallowed including the consequence of their action, an intelligent teenage would decide to adhere to what was advised by their parents.

Islam is a religion of peace. The holy Quran says there is no compulsion in religion should be interpreted as the religion does not want any of its followers to be forced to believe a faith that they do not believe in. It is like forcing us to believe that Santa Clause indeed is residing in North Pole and would send Christmas presents to all Christians on the eve of Christmas day.

It is the primary responsibility of every Muslim parent to teach their children about what Islam means. It is also their responsibility to assimilate the teaching of the religion into their children’s lives. If every Muslim parent is responsible of doing so, perhaps the state could deliberate the case in accordance to the merits whenever such issue arise. Every faith condemns the renunciation of faith by their followers. However, it is equally crucial that an individual be allowed to exercise their fundamental rights when it comes to faith.

By S. Ali Mahmud

Finally the Dictator left the Party! If this tactic is merely to divert the attention about how he meddled with the appointment of judicial officers during his time as the prime Minister, I guess he should perhaps deploy a better tactic, perhaps hara-kiri. After all, he advocated ‘Look East’ policy.

It makes no different whether or not Mahathir is in UMNO, what matter is this man need to be made accountable to all his deeds during his 22 years reign. His resignation from UMNO is nothing but a ploy by a desperate man whose words no longer serve much to this country. His son should follow him, after all what is there left for Mukhriz? If he is eyeing to be the successor of the Premiership, think again! Malaysians have minds of their own and who they choose to be their leader is no longer dictated by Mahathir or members of UMNO. Even Najib Razak is not guaranteed the succeed Abdullah Ahmad Badawi.

What makes Mahathir think he is any different from Badawi. Factually, Badawi has been emulating Mahathir’s administration except that Badawi is not the man that Mahathir is. What holds Badawi from taking any actions against Mahathir does perplex me. However, I am least surprise if all the restrains are primarily due to Mahathir holding black books of these leaders. However, Mahathir forgets that he too has a black book which many are perceptible. As a matter of fact, Mahathir’s book is indeed an open secret to the Malaysian society.

To those in power, if you have a chance to undo or rectify your mistakes, it is crucial that you take this opportunity to do so. I doubt moving forward, anyone will be spared from accounting for all the abuses they had committed. In the case of Mahathir, as per the recommendation of the VK Lingam Royal Commission, immediate investigation ought to commence against all six including Mahathir. Let him dry his and others’ dirty linens in public. Malaysians will not be surprise to hear the names and what they did that Mahathir intends to expose because most of us are already aware of whatever that have been occuring!

There is one thing that Mahathir and his son do not seem to understand, we no longer want them! In reality, even UMNO is no longer acceptable or valid. The leaders within UMNO are oblivious that whatever agendas they schemed, nothing would convince any reasonable men anymore. Whether or not this political party is lead by Mahathir, Badawi, Khairy, Mukhriz or any other names, the people of this country know well that whatever the agendas proposed by this political party’s is primarily aim to retain influence merely for the purpose of enriching themselves. The Malay agenda which UMNO advocates ceased to be valid as the Malaysians including Malay community are aware of the truth.

I was once told that if I wish to be rich, I should join UMNO. This came from a member of UMNO itself. But that statement least surprise me. When did UMNO fight for the Malay? Based on my recollection, they only time the Malay rights were protected were during the fight for independence. Even with regard to the implementation of the New Economic Policy, not every Malay benefits from it. Reading into the historical background of this Policy and its subsequent implementation, everyone knows that only UMNO who ’s who are reaping its benefit.

Perhaps everybody in UMNO should start descending to mother earth to face the reality of what is happening around them. Perhaps they ought to wake up from their comatose state to realise that racial based political parties has cease its validity. Malaysians today are no longer hesitating to engage in discussion with regard to matters they are uncertain about. Today, honesty and truth would prevail over fear that had long been inculcated in their minds. Most of us are civil enough to engage in open discussions, accept each others differences and leverage on each other’s strengths. The ‘divide and rule’ tactic deployed by the government is no longer acceptable to any sensible Malaysian.

Mahathir ought to realise that he no longer is in power. I am not sure who is still listening to him but I doubt many save and except for those who are just to lazy to think or perhaps sensible enough to have brains of their own. When he started to moan and being critical towards the existing administration, the Malaysians public have immediately notice that his man is not getting what he wanted and like a four year old, he unrelentingly stumping his feet demanding for the ‘candies’ he wanted. In many ways, Badawi appeared to be like the tolerant parent who just allows that spoilt child to continue misbehaving. However, Malaysians aren’t that indulging, enough is enough and this brat just needs a good smacking.

Today, leaders who think they can get away with behaviours like spoilt brats can think again. Even parents have limit in tolerating their children’s misbehaviour. In the case of our country, that tolerance has ceased and these leaders must realise that Malaysians are no longer looking at leaders as their boss rather this perception now has been replaced with leaders being at service for the public. Therefore, these leaders are now accountable to every action and decision they made. The people are concern about their economic well being. Fellow Malaysians would only be able to share the country’s economic benefit when the country has healthy economy and fair policies.

Malaysians have proven that their leaders are and will always be accountable to them. Thus these leaders, whichever party they are from are answerable to us for every administrative decisions made. This is the reality of political life in a democratic country. Only dictators are not accountable to their actions but often dictators are prosecuted for their evil deeds. If Mahathir is not being investigated for all the abuses of power and trial in the court of justice, then the justice system is evidently working favourable of him.

I am waiting to see the repetition of 1998 Anwar Ibrahim’s trial except this time, there is no foul play or conspiracy when this trial is adjudicated. No mattress will be presented. No star witness who tried hard to emulate Monica Lewinsky will appear. I am hopeful that Mahathir could be still as strong as he is today and as strident as he has been. If he appears frail and attending court in wheel chairs, I hope no Malaysians should have any pity for this man as he is the least deserving. I hope this will be a historical record that my children and grandchildren will get to study.

By S. Ali Mahmud

Why are there so many sensitive issues in Malaysia? Race relation, religion, issues relating to pig, government contracts, and the list goes on and on. Why are Malaysians so scared to discuss about things openly? Is this fear premised on the fact that they are ignorant and/or have something to hide? That I am not certain. But in so far as I am concern, I am growing tired listening to people classifying almost everything and anything as sensitive.

As much as I am a true believer that in freedom of speech and expression, there is always certain limit that we imposed on ourselves to ensure that we do not cross the line. The line is when we are not speaking of the truth, when we are concealing the reality and we exaggerate a fact. However, reporting and making analysis on incident and event should not be curtailed. For areas that we are uncertain of, we seek advice and we discuss and challenge if the thoughts are obsolete. That is how things are supposed to be or at least that is how I look at things.

Why are race, religion and language seemed to be classified as sensitive issue? What is there to be confrontational about when we fellow Malaysians discussed about such issues? Should we not engage with each other when we are uncertain? All this while, the misunderstanding about these three primary issues are primarily premised on: (i) the lack of discussion; and (ii) the arrogance of accepting others views. The existence of legislations that prohibit writings and expressions of thoughts regarding issues that classified as ‘inciting people’ further constraint discussing and engagement with one another to better understand each other.

It is in my point of view that when we are engage in discussion with people from different background, we are open to listen to what others’ views on certain issues. It does not mean when we enter a church to listen to a pastor’s sermon means we will definitely convert. It does not mean when one attend a majlis tahlil, one would concert to become a Muslim. It does not mean when we are in a temple, we turn to become Hindu or Buddhist.

The appreciation of religion by individuals depend entirely on how committed they are towards the religion of their birth. People convert for many reasons. In Malaysia, conversion to become a Muslim has become so preposterous that in many ways this is just like a game. To be with a Muslim partner, obviously one would be required to convert in order to solemnise that relationship into a legal one. However, how many Muslim actually carry out their duty is ensuring that their partners, who sacrifice their faiths just to be with them, truly appreciate and understand the religion? That decision of Penang Syariah Court in the case of Siti Fatima Tan Abdullah is one of the best examples.

I am a born Muslim and I was taught and given all religious education which both my parents think appropriate. However, I am fortunate enough to also be exposed to various faiths that my family members profess. As I grow up, I even frequently engage in discussions with my relatives with regard to religious matter. In so far as we are concern, our discussions are never premised on whether we wish one to convert and follow the faith of the other, rather it is to better understand and appreciate the teachings of these religions. Thus, rather than loathing the unknown, I now am more knowledgeable about other faith and the same for my relatives about Islam. None of these discussions ever persuade me into converting into another religion. So what truly is the fuss?

I cited arrogance as another ground for misunderstanding to occur because as I witnessed the nature of such discussions, I often feel the approach adopted by certain individuals on such discussions often are confrontational and antagonistic. Rather than trying to appreciate and understand the issues at hand better and welcoming others point of view and explain clearer to other about the underlying issues, these people are rather adamant and would insist others views and misconstrue questions as statements. As a result, such discussion often turned belligerent.

Often we encounter people who think that they are better of than others; as a result, they disdain and ignore others’ views. To my mind, such person is hubris and arrogance. Without sufficient information, how will one be able to analyse and formulate a solution? I remember my criminal law professor once said, in every crime, there is a prosecution story, there is a defence story and there is a truth. As a presiding judge, seeking that truth is the challenge. Therefore, concealing of evidence in cases would limit the ability of judge to preside a case fairly. Similarly in the situation when we gathered insufficient information, how would we be able to achieve a good solution?

Integration of Malaysian society will never be achievable when there is constrain in healthy approach in discussion. The continuation to instil fear in the people of the recurrence of May 13 would impede progression of thoughts amongst the people of this country and allow the self righteous to continue with their agenda of divide and rule.

I call upon all Malaysians to open your mind and to listen rather than hear, to engage rather than impose and to learn rather than ignore the various issues that surround our community. If everyone is sincere in wanting this nation to integrate, then adopt this open mindset and learn from others. Prejudices surface only when we are unknown to other or ignore others’ attributes.

By S. Ali Mahmud

Crossing over or not crossing over? That seems to be the current dilemma of many politicians in our country. Should they join Pakatan Rakyat or should they remain with their old political party. I am rather perplexed with this cross over thingy. From my personal point of view, everyone is trying to have a bite of the pie and the chef who is making that pie is dying for everyone to have a taste of his pie so that he can be certified as the best chef in the world. That seems to be the scenario now.

Quite frankly, I am fine if the pie is really good, the chef should therefore be entitled to whatever title he would be awarded. However, I am very much concern if those who taste the pie are qualified ‘taster’ and are fully aware of what exactly how the taste of this pie should rightly be? You do not want someone who is oblivious of how a pie should really taste like be the person certifying whether or not that is the right pie. This is the analogy. You do not want to decide that if the bungalow is too crowded, they rather remain in the terrace house but when the bungalow has space again, they would relocate again.

A politician, must first realise that the era of being a politician with the intention to benefit from the government contracts or being conferred certain positions is indeed a by gone era. The Rakyat today want their leader to be someone who is capable to delivering what they desire and is able to carry out the mandates they have given to this individual. So whether or not the cross over is prudent, the individual politicians and Pakatan Rakyat’s leader, namely Anwar Ibrahim ought to contemplate.

To my mind, the primary objective that the Pakatan Rakyat’s governments should do is to implement what they had promised to the Rakyat. They ought to bear in mind that the Rakyat is giving them the opportunity to prove themselves. Therefore the ambitious plan to take over the federal government is indeed secondary. Rakyat are smart enough not to depose the National Coalition in entirety because Rakyat is fully aware of the potential consequences of doing so. By electing alternative government in certain states in the country and denying the National Coalition a two third majority, it serves two purposes: (1) a wake up call to the National Coalition leaders that who they put in power can also be ousted when they fail the Rakyat; and (2) to give the alternative government the opportunity prove themselves whether or not they are better or worst than the national Coalition.

My daily readings with regard to politicians cross over from National Coalition to Pakatan Rakyat somehow perturb me. The cross over of politicians from national Coalition to Pakatan Rakyat is nothing more than to have the Federal government replaced. Whether or not this is what the Rakyat want, perhaps it is best Pakatan Rakyat gauge the views of the general public. In the haste of pursuing power, it is prudent for Pakatan Rakyat, particularly Anwar Ibrahim to learn from his previous mistake that brought him to the 1998’s accusation. If he is meant to be the next Prime Minister for our country, he will be. Leave the fate in the hand of the Almighty.

I recollect an episode in ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ when he was nominated as Sport writer of the year. His wife was excited and wanted him so desperately to be positive about winning the prize. Raymond reckoned a fact of life where he said when you are at a lower point and fall, you merely sprained your leg but if you are at the higher point, when you fall you splat and died. That was exactly what happened to Anwar in 1998.

It is crucial at this juncture for Anwar to realise that the Rakyat is giving him and his Pakatan Rakyat an opportunity to prove themselves. As much as Rakyat is desperate of getting rid the scumbags who are holding positions and wasting public funds, Rakyat is mindful in strategising how and who they wish as their next leader. Rakyat of this country was previously ruled by a dictator for more than 2 decades. During his reign, people lived in fear as they witnessed how those who attempted to thwart him ended up incarcerated. In the state of fear, majority even endorsed his choice of a feeble successor. However, the Almighty works in a mysterious way, it is through these weak attributes of this leader that the Rakyat was awaken to realise that this country does not belong to those who are in power, rather it is a country that belong to each and every citizen born here. Hence, the result of 12th General Election.

As much as wanting to get rid of the present government, Rakyat is prudent and cautious of whom they wish to be mandated to administer the country. They too do not entirely trust whether the alternative to National Coalition is any better. If the culture in National Coalition is repeated in Pakatan Rakyat’s ruling states, I will not be surprised if a new political group emerge.

I do not want to speak for anyone but I am sure many will agree with me. Rakyat is keen for changes. They want the leaders they mandated to be accountable to them. They want every penny they paid in the form of taxes is accounted for every project undertaken. They want these projects to be beneficial to them one way or the other rather than to merely certain individuals. They wish the prosperity of the country is shared by everyone. They want their children to have a brighter future with equal educational opportunities. They wish for a just and fair legal system and the list goes on and on.

By far, the five Pakatan Rakyat states are progressing rather well though there are still glitches here and there. I think the implementation of the road map by Pakatan Rakyat perhaps can start with a smaller scale by implementing them at state level. If Rakyat is happy and satisfies that Pakatan Rakyat is capable of delivering their aspirations, I am sure it will be able to win by the next general election. So be patient and let nature take its own course.

By S. Ali Mahmud

In a very recent conversation with a friend, we discussed about how the religion of Islam and Malaysia have caused so much of confusion to many. This friend of mine was extremely curious about how Islam is construed in Malay where it is loosely associated with certain race when factually, this religion is universal. I then explained to him in detail what is provided in the Federal constitution and how (a) The official religion of the country is Islam; (b) the Federal constitution however guarantee the citizens rights to profess and practice the faith they believe in; and (c) by virtue of the definition conferred in the Federal Constitution, any person who profess the Islamic faith, speak in the Malay language and practice the culture of the Malay is constitutionally considered a Malay.

Our topic of discussion coincide with Raja Aziz Addruse’s article with regard to a lady named Kamariah Ali who renounced Islam and is currently facing legal battle with the authority regarding her religious status. Raja Aziz in his article argued well with regard to the interpretation of law and how the manner in which the courts treated such cases. As many have expected, most judgements in cases as such would placed the presiding Muslim judges in dilemmas between their duties towards faith and the wording of the law. In most instances, these judges would prefer to ignore the wording of the law and preside favourable of the Islamic authority. In all fairness, cases of such nature are not easy especially when it involved one’s own faith and their social duties from a religious perspective. However, it is fundamental for these judges to remember that upholding justice is one of the Muslim’s fundamental duties.

Whether or not these judges and enforcement officers from religious department are aware of what is fundamentally required of them in discharging their duties in such agencies from a strict religious point of view? To my mind, faith is something a person believe from their inner self and something which cannot be changed with a mere declaration. Based on what I was taught intention of the person is crucial in determining if an action is permissible or prohibited. Wouldn’t the act of prohibiting the person the right to renounce his/her religion equal to forcing a person to do something they do not belief in?

I invite fellow Muslims to share their views on what I am about to argue with the hope that it will be beneficial to all of us moving forward. I am aware that there was a decree that those who renounce the Islamic faith should be prosecuted. This decree was issue after the demise of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and to my mind it is a valid decree for that period of time. My argument is premised on the fact that during the reign of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), there was a large number of people who converted to become Muslims but at the juncture where Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) demised, these group of people immediately renounce the faith. As such, the Caliph issued a decree that these hypocrites ought to be prosecuted.

As time passed, most of us are rather born into the religion. To those who are lucky, we are given the religious education and learn about the religion. How many amongst the Muslims who recites the Holy Quran understands and appreciates every sentence in this Holy Scriptures? How many of us truly understand the total concept of Islam including the social, economic and political sides of Islam? Not many I must admit. Regrettably, in most occasions, Islam is used as and when it is convenient such as when there is a need to marry four as an example. But truly, how many complete the reading in the Holy Quran that says ‘Marry one, two, three or four, if you can do justice to each and every one of them’? Most of the time, people omit the last part of that verse but merely cite the first part of it.

The same goes for jihad. It does not confine to the raise of weapon and killing people. Jihad includes the ability to restrain one self against the desires such as refraining from over spending, steadfast in upholding justice, resisting temptations and the list goes on and on. These are the attributes demanded by Islam of its followers. It does not merely confine to something overt but it includes the unseen.
To my mind, if these judges and religious department enforcement officers are sincere and truly intent to carry out their duties accordingly, it is paramount that they set good examples as model Muslim citizens. The fact that these judges denying Kamariah Ali and Lina Joy’s of their rights to profess the religions of their choice are indeed encouraging the act of hypocrisy and indeed unIslamic.

I agree that it is one of the fundamental duties of Muslim to promote goodness and weed of sins, the question now is whether or not forcing one to remain in the faith they no longer believe in is an act considered as goodness? Nobody is able to provide that answer but to my logical mind, I would rather ‘free’ the person from continuing to be a ‘hypocrite’ from a religious point of view and allow him/her to live his/her life with legitimately.

It is also timely that the Muslim scholars begin to appreciate the wisdoms of Allah in line with the progression of time. The legal injunctions in Quran and Sunnah have always been flexible for us to interpret and adapt them in accordance to time. It is indeed a heavy responsibility that many are fearful of but as this word evolved, these injunctions must suit the needs of human lives and conditions. After all, we are given the intellectual faculty to think and Allah is most merciful and forgiving. He would guide us in time in times of uncertainties.

It is pointless to call your nation Islamic State. This is as good as having a sign that says ‘Lamb meat for sale’ when factually what is sold is dog meat. Having a Muslim name would not make you a Muslim, it is your deed and attributes. Similarly when it comes to Malaysia, it is pointless to be called an Islamic nation when the mind and soul do not at all reflect what is required by the religion.

By S. Ali Mahmud

I wish to call upon all Malaysians this country to do what all religions required all of you to do, i.e. Uphold justice. As for fellow Muslim brothers and sisters, live up to what the Quran and Sunnah required of us to do by ensuring justice is served! Whatever school of thoughts you may be, Shafie, Hambali, Maliki or Hanafi even Hadhari, it is your personal responsibility to upholding justice without fear or favour. Justice means the same treatment to be accorded to every mankind irrespective of their background or social status.

Lately, Mahathir Mohammed is in such an over- zealous mood to ensure that the existing Prime Minister be ousted. I cannot disagree with his call that the Premier to step down considering his disappointing performance. I however am in total defiant of accepting Najib Razak as the next Malaysian Premier.

My question is why is Mahathir is over enthusiastic in replacing Abdullah with Najib? Does he think he is the only person who can think in Malaysia and know what is best for Malaysians? Does he think only he and his cronies will be in best position to lead this country and no one else? Does he think only his and his cronies children entitled to be in the democratic institutions (Legislative, Executive and Judiciary)?

Being a dictator and having ruled Malaysia for 22 years, Mahathir have (I used have as he is continuing to behave such) wronged so many people. In these remaining years, if he is a conscientious human being, he should be apologising to those he had wronged and perhaps spend more time repenting to God for what he had done. But then again, who are we talking about, an ego maniac whose self esteem surpasses God’s! Perhaps Marina Mahathir should organised another inter faith prayers for his dad except that it is not praying for his recovery from a bypass rather from the mental sickness that he is currently suffering of.

One may accused me of being too harsh or mad but I must admit I am furious. I am furious because he never seem to be happy with what he had been blessed by God despite his atrocities. Nothing appeared to be enough for him despite betraying the mandates given by the people of this country. This man is relentless in ensuring only he and/or his cronies continue to benefit and lead this country. First he replaced himself with someone ‘unintelligent’ merely to ensure that he would continue as ‘de facto’ leader (which fortunately he was proven wrong), when his plan failed, he now launch strategies that would ensure his cronies and subsequently his children to be the leader of this nation.

Malaysia does not belong to UMNO, Mahathir, Najib or any specific person. If these people wish to administer this country in accordance to their whim and fancy, by all means go get themselves an island and rule it whatever way they wish. Malaysia is a country that belongs to every single citizen who is born here. We have sufficient legislations including the fundamental law of the land, the Federal Constitution which guarantee each citizen their rights and freedoms.

Over the last couple of decades, or rather since Mahathir was made the Prime Minister of this country, justice has been perverted only to those who are wealthy and well connected. Freedom of expressions has been severely curtailed and justice appeared to be a myth rather than fact. The citizens of this country have been indoctrinated with fear and suspicious of others, just as wanted by Mahathir in his ‘divide and rule’ strategy. Those disillusioned and can afford migrated and those who are less fortunate decided to close an eye to their surroundings.

Take a look at the public offices. Most of the Director Generals and head of Departments are buffoons who are incompetent and speak even when it is completely unnecessary. Looking back, except for a handful, credibility and competency do not seem to be within the job descriptions required of these people rather, their appointment depend very much on how willing they are to ‘kow tau’ to these unscrupulous politicians. As a result, you have a clueless management that mismanage a statutory body which its functions are clearly stated and defined in the statute; a ‘half past six’ judge (as he then was) who required the assistance of a lawyer to ensure he be appointed as the country’s Lord President; you have an Attorney General who are perpetually confusing himself and deploying gangster’s tactic in order to secure a guilty verdict against an accused; a bias Speaker for the House of Common who never seem to be able to control unruly debates amongst the Members of Parliament; a notorious Inspection General of Police whose professional credentials are tainted with all sort of corrupt allegations. Frankly, I am aghast with their non-chalant behaviour as they seem to be either oblivious of these allegations levelled against them or cease to feel ashame of such notorious reputations.

As the citizens of this nation, we must remember a politician like Mahathir is nobody’s fool. He has always taken measure to ensure that he remain untouchable and unchallengeable even after he step down as Prime Minister. This is by ensuring these dim-witted jokers continue to hold office and continue to confer him that protections. To my mind, Abdullah Ahmad Badawi could have gotten Mahathir arrested under ISA following all the speeches that could disunite the Malay community, yet he did not do so. Why? Is it probable that Mahathir is still holding Abdullah’s black book?

Malaysia had experienced and suffered over the last few decades with all the iniquitous policies that suppress most of its citizens. My question is do we want to endure the same fate for the coming years? If we wish not, take action and start do some smart thinking. Uphold justice by getting rid of these immoral and unprincipled ‘leaders’ and make sure that you decide the right leader for yourself rather than those chosen for you.

By S. Ali Mahmud

I just received an email from someone which detailed that the Chinese community around the world received a circular to remain united and in Malaysia, they have been asked to remain united against the Malay Muslims in Malaysia. I really do not understand where this is coming from but probably this draft originated from some of those crappy racist bigots!

In response to that email, I want to ask fellow Malay Muslim this question, if you read the holy Quran, didn’t Allah said He created human being from various creeds in order to know and love each other? So why are we now talking about the supremacy of race and fearing the threat from Chinese? What really in the underlying issue the person who initiated the circulation of this email? Fine that that Dr. Ng Seng may have written that original piece and circulate that amongst the Chinese community, but does all the Chinese believe in what he had written? If yes, then shame on you!

To both Dr. Ng Seng and the subsequent person who circulated that email, shame on both of you. Clearly you both are still living under the coconut shell. In an era where you still unable to understand the concept of globalisation and your mental capacity is evidently demented. You are clearly saboteurs to the effort of uniting the community in this nation in order to build a stronger Malaysia. For as long as people are plagued with such mentality, Malaysia is heading towards it doom. Rather than embracing and rejoice the differences, we all will start forming towers and fortresses defending something so ostensible!

I chide Dr. Ng Seng for producing such sordid piece of article. At the same time, I regret that in such age, there are still some who are gullible and actually reacted to his article.

Till this moment, I remain perplex with human insecurities. We all turn ‘ugly’ when these insecurities loomed our mind. We rather see what we want to see and choose to believe what we want to believe. As a result we overlooked others’ beauty and hinder our own progression. May be at this juncture, I ought to thank the government for successfully transforming Malaysian minds and tainted them with this chauvinistic mind set.

Our children have taught to differentiate themselves from their peers. This sense of race supremacy has been instilled in the minds of this young generation by their parents, whom previously experienced the same from the Grandparents. If this cycle persists, the drive towards forming bangsa Malaysia will be futile.

Perhaps I am expecting too much but are these racist bigots aware that the more they adopt such mentality, they are indeed portraying their own weaknesses? When one is beleaguered with racist mentality, they automatically would dismiss others point of views and confine their thoughts to what they perceived to be true. As a result, they are unable to advance further and continue to live within those narrow minded realms thinking they are omniscient.

I am glad to read from several Malays such as Dr. Azmi Sharom rebutting the propaganda that Malays are under threat. It is timely that this community and all other communities in this country to wake up from their long dream, nobody will protect you except for your self. One needs to depend on oneself if they want to survive. In this globalisation era, there are limitations to the protection that a government can offer, the rest would depend entirely on each individual themselves.

To all my fellow Malaysian, I am pleading to all of you not to allow these self interest politicians continue to deceive you. They have been doing so for several decades and you should be prudent enough to distinguish a political propaganda and a fact. If you fall prey into such propaganda, it is you who would loose out.

By S. Ali Mahmud

While watching the seminar by Mahathir and listening to the audience and the replies, I could not help but thinking what is going on in this society, especially those Malays who attended Mahathir’s seminar? They sound pathetic and paranoid. It is as if they will not be a living race if there is no protection from the government. Ironically, they are Muslims who has so little faith of their God and has the mindset that only their government would be able to protect them. Perhaps to remind them didn’t Allah mention in Quran that it is He who gives you the rezeki and not others? So why are this group of Malays still holding on to this mindset? Clearly they have less faith in Allah than their government!

The country has been independent for more than 50 years and the New Economic Policy (perhaps need to be renamed as Old Economic Policy) has been implemented over more than 30 year. How do the Malays measure themselves in terms of their socio-economic development? Have they carried out post-mortem on themselves to review what went wrong if they are still not successful? Is the Policy itself faulty or has the society been taking this protection by the government for granted?

I am particularly concern when I still hear this group insisting for protection from the government. To my mind, what was projected is that this group is nothing but a parasite and will perish the moment that ‘support’ system is unplugged. Why do this group undermine itself so much? I think rather than feeling disgusted, I feel sorry for them as I think they are still living in the land of fairy tales when most of us including a vast majority of Malays in our country are living in this real world. If the entertainment industry has switched into producing reality shows to increase their viewers, this group is still sticking to the fictional series.

Wake up people! Live in the real world. The world is going global. Nobody is going to continue protecting anyone. It is simple, all men are equal. Whoever is stronger will lead and those who are weaker will have to be the followers. That is the rule of the universe. God knows this; He is after all our creator. If one does not want to be weak, then prepared yourself to face the challenge. Raise yourself against your opponent. If you have the merits and capabilities, you can lead.

It is due to this protection regime and mindset that our people are not as competitive as the citizens of our neighbouring countries. We have to put up with incapable leader such as a Prime Minister who constantly in his ‘slumber mind’. The gap between the rich and the poor is getting bigger and the country is now suffering! We lost our credibility as an economic power in Southeast Asia. Isn’t it ironic that Singapore, a city state that mostly relies on service industry is able to bail out one of European financial institutions but Malaysia, a country is blessed with ‘black gold’, is still unable to attain such economic stature? I am still perplexed!

For those who still insist on government’s protection, get real and ask yourself this question: ’Am I that useless and incapable?’ I do not deny that New Economic Policy did the Malays communities many goods and as a result Malays today enjoys their shares in the economic development of this country. However, more than 30 years have passed, with all these helps and assistance and protections, should you be able to stand and walk on your own now? Does the abolishment of NEP or applying equal opportunities to all Malaysians would in anyway incapacitate the Malays? I trust many Malays today are self dependent and are doing well even without assistance and protection from government. Examples of those are people like Dr Bakri Musa, Dr Farish Noor and the list goes on. They work abroad and they hold high position by virtues of their merits, not based on NEP nor government protection. So why are this group of Malays so fearful of not being protected? Are you all so weak that you are still need to be hand held despite 30 years of this hand holding?

If one remembers an old saying, give the man a fish, it will feed his hunger then, teach the man to fish, it will feed him forever. In the mind of the NEP maker, they were hopeful that this Policy will be the tool to teach the Malays to fish rather than to feed them. Many Malays do know that except for this group who are still relying on the government. Thus, they are scare and fearful their rights will be forfeited.

Despite being dismissed by the government, I trust the study carried out by ASLI that revealed the increase of Bumiputra’s equity participation. Indeed NEP has helped to elevate the standard of living of Malay community. There are more Malays today who are able to pursue their tertiary education and participate in commercial sector of the country not to mention the 99% Malay dominated public sector. Is that still an uncomfortable level?

My question right now is hypothetically all Malaysians, irrespective of race and religion are given equal opportunities, is this group saying that the Malay community will not be able to compete with other races in this country? Why is fear still dominating the mindset of this group of Malays? Are they saying that Malays are ‘incapable’ to survive without any protection?

Mahathir mentioned about Malaysian living in fear. Yes he is right. Ironically he is the master of instilling fear in the mind of these people. Worst is the feeling of fear is currently only haunting those who are insecure especially the group who are crying for protection. Mahathir and UMNO have over years inculcated fear as their tactic to garner support and to remain in power. The Malay community must realise that the insistence on protecting the Malays literally means to protect Mahathir and his cronies, not the entire Malays communities. If it is true that all Malays are being protected, why are there still a huge number of Malays who are still living below the poverty limit? Mahathir created this ‘elite’ Malays group who are dependable and constantly in need of government protection in order to accumulate more wealth. The NEP and the government protection factually are for this group of people and no one else.

In so far as I am concern, I have seen Malays who made it without the NEP or the government protection. There are several outstanding personalities as I mentioned earlier who are successful in their own professional fields without the help of the government. They are equally as capable as any other races. These individuals excel based on their own merits and they braved themselves to take up all the necessary challenges to put themselves in the positions they are in today. Thus, why must thus fuss about protecting Malay be raised. There should be no perennial protection to any one since Malaysia is now a country owned by its people, the people who are born here. Thus, everyone should be treated equally as everyone has contributed equally. After all, equally is one of the fundamental principles in Islam. Islam never differentiates the application of this principle on Muslims or non Muslim.

In so far as the government is concern, the first step I s to lean up the education system in this country. Encourage the citizens to think. Instil self confident and prepare them to face the challenges in life. It is good education and self confident that will be the key to opportunities for everyone to undertake life challenges.

The fear that without protection from government, Malay will loose their rights and share in the social economic development in Malaysia or anywhere in this world is a myth that Mahathir and his UMNO clan wish to believe. If we are confident of ourselves and believe that we are equally as capable as anyone else, we should not be fearful of losing anything. The rule is simple, it is like two person playing a game. No one is accorded any protection. It is how much you are prepared for the game, physically and mentally. Best man wins. Fear is the mindset of the weak. If the Malays continue with such mindset, they will remain irrelevant in the history of mankind. Is this the kind of legacy the Malay wish to leave behind for their future generation?

Stop allowing personalities like Mahathir and most of these UMNO ‘clowns’ exploit any of you. Malaysia has been independent more than 50 years. Anyone who is born in this country deserves to be treated equally and given equal opportunities. It is time to stop harping on NEP or government protection. Trust me it is an insult to be employed merely because they are required to fulfil the Bumiputera quotas. I was horrified when someone insulted me by insinuating that I was employed based on my name which is rather ‘Malay’. However, it became a challenge for me then to take a step forward to secure an international position merely to prove her wrong.

By S. Ali Mahmud

Honestly, I feel like I was just awaken from a dream. A very long dream indeed. I have not feel good for a very very very long time. When I say this, I truly mean it. Despite the happy façade that I might had put on to most people, my family members and most of my very dear friends, were in fact very much aware about what had been going on over the last couple of years

Well, almost two years ago, I took on an assignment with a very high expectation of my self development. I wanted to achieve so much (honestly I forgotten about the potential limits and barriers) that I became so depressed with my self when I did not meet the exoectations I have in terms of this career development. To add salt to the wound, I was so unfairly appraised by my line manager and he even coerced me to agree with his comments despite all the rebuttals I put forth when I realised that the comments made were evidently unfair. Do not get me wrong, I do not wish to launch a personal attack here but deep in my honest heart, this man is indeed suffering of demntia, has massive self insecurities and suffers a geart deal in his communication skill. Ironically, these are facts which most of us working in the organisation are aware of except him. The consequences of working under this environment and being managed by a totally unqualified manager and performance blocker, I began to develop low self esteem and lost self confident in almost an absolute sense! At the back of my mind, I thought I was so inadequate and such a misfit that I began to alienate myslef from others.

In addition, my inability to emulate the virtues of people whom I highly regarded anad admire often made me feel inferior. Whenever I think about these people such as my parents, my sisters, Au San Su Kyi, Eliot Spitzer (despite his notorious scandal) and the list go on and on. I felt disappointed with myself and wonder when will I be that as nearly 'perfect’ as they are. Over time, I became more and moremiserable.

To some, what I am about to write is nothing pertinent but I decided share this story as I realise most of us are still struggling with issue regarding self acceptance. We should all accept our real self, acknowledge our flaws and just continue to be the human. After all that is who we are rather than trying hard to attain ‘perfection’.

It was last Wednesday morning, I woke up and instead of rushing to get myself ready to the office, suddenly, I was hit by the thought about how pathetic had my state of my life been over the last two years! As I lay on my bed, I began to realise how little sense my life had been. I had ceased to be the ‘real me’(except when I am writing about my political views) for quite sometime and the worst was after several months I moved to London. It is a very lonely place for me despite living in one of the largest city in the world. I miss all my friends, my lifestyle and most importantly I miss being that bubbly self I used to be! My confident eroded and my reasoning power seemed to have submerged. The constant feeling of inadequacy and the lost of self esteem had made me so miserable that I felt rather impossible to rebuilt my broken self. The pinnacle of my emotional break down was when the person whom I though I love left me, for reasons that I am still, to this day, grappling with.

Trust me, I used to read all sort of positive mantras and tried so hard to believe in all kind of positive thinking in trying to 'survive' the days, but all were futile until that fateful Wednesday morning. It was also the day when a very dear friend of mine got married and I was scheduled to attend her wedding. As I was brushing my teeth, I looked myself in the mirror and I could sensed how contemptible the image reflected in that mirror. Very frankly, I hardly ever look myself in mirrors as I was so used to be 'self abusive' whenever I see the ‘imperfections’ reflected. There was never once I really looked at myself and say ‘this is a great gal in that mirror’ rather it had always been ‘Why on earth am I here? I am so inadequate and imperfect that my existence was ‘offensive’ to others’. It is shameful to admit this but it is indeed a fact and I want and am determine to change this pathetic mindset! Just as I was about to listen to all the usual bullying voices, instantly I said to myself: ‘enough and stop all these bullying once and for all! Get a grip of yourself and stop this self pity state. Nobody would be able to help you except for yourself!’

While having my breakfast, I started to pen down all the negative events that have been lingering in my mind, which often affirmed my inadequacies and imperfections. I compartmentalised each of these issues and decided to reason and have my course of actions for them that night. I re-examined these cause and effects that had led me to believe that I was ‘useless’. My finding unbelievably is simple. I was trying too hard to obtain others' acceptance!

On that fateful day, as I was sitting in that wedding party, I observed people around me and could not help but think, I am just like any one of them. None of these people is perfect but they sure accepted themselves as I could sensed their self-confident while mingling with them. So why am I trying so hard to be the ‘perfect’ person? Am I trying to meet people’s expectation? Who are these people to have expectations of me? Does any of them ever concern about my expectation of them? Why can’t they accept my flaws as I accepted theirs? Why must I always live up to their expectations when time and again, they frustrate the expectations I may have of them? Why can’t I ignore unimportant remarks made about me and view those as destructive criticisms which probably masking the weaknessess of these individuals? Why did I allow all these negative remarks to remain in my head and pushed myself to this edge?

I should not dwell any further as the answers to all the questions are obvious. It is clear to me now that I willl be who I am and too bad if some feel that I am abrasive, insensitive, too outspoken, too opinionated etc etc etc. I want to be myself and most importantly, I want to be happy. I have postive attributes too! I know I am a reasonable and sensitive person. I am a good listener and I enjoy good company etc etc. Thus, if I speak up for what I believe in is viewed to be too opinionated, I guess people just have to accept that. I want to stand up for the things that I believe in and I want to say things that I am entitled to say. I want to rebut arguments that I disagree. I want to be the person whom my parents have always grooms me to be i.e. the one who do not rely and depend of anyone to do anything and achieve anything!

I had made several achievements throughout my life. They may not be significant to others but they are to me and my family. Why then am I allowing some jokers who terribly insignificant to me subvert my self confident?

Perhaps, my career may be rather challenging currently as the existing environment within the industry has been rather shaky, but it does not mean the end of the world. I recollect facing some challenges in the earlier part of my career. It was rather difficult then but I managed to deal with them and I remember the strategy then was ‘if I made it to be a ‘person’ when there were thousand others who attempted the same, none of these challenges would ever deter me’ (concept of human reproduction!).

I may still be trying to heal my broken heart but I know that being able to overcome the same challenge previously, this is just another experience. It is human to have emotions and to feel pain whenever their trust and expectations are betrayed and disappointed. It is crucial however to continue believing in the existence of love and to be able to finally find the right one. I must not fault myself for the failure in this relationship. I gave my best and I accepted his flaws as human and strengths as the extraordinary features. Being in love is beautiful and loosing love can be torturous. It is fine to grieve for a while but it is crucial to reason with ourself whether the pain is worthy? Eveey one of us longed for a meaningful relationship. As for me, I never expect it to be perfect but I want it to embody mutual feelings and sense of respect of each other. As such, I must not grieve over a relationship that does not these characters.

I told a dear last Friday that I suddenly feel quite ‘bitchy’ and honestly, I have been feeling good after such a long time. I think the word bitchy is frequently misunderstood. As much as I loathe those who love to pick on petty issues for argument sake in the name of assertiveness, which is the real definition of 'bitchy'. I personally think one ought to always feel good (even when others perceive it to be ‘bitchy’ provided always it is a reasonable and not in annoying form) of themselves. Speak up and argue whenever appropriate. Fight back especially when we are being oppressed. Today, we live in a rather wicked and cruel world, so being 'bitchy' in many ways is one of the best way to remain sane.

As insecure people infliterate today's world, fcatually the strong and confident façades are truly the masks these people try to put on in the name of survival. Internally, they are just like all of us and have their own emotional baggage. We can easily spot these insecured characters especially when they rant over trivial issue. As Eric Hoffer (a great American social writer) once said: ‘Rudeness is the weak men’s imitation of strength’ I personally support this statement and think that we should never waste our breath on such personalities. We should enjoy the joke they play on themselves thinking that they are outsmarting others. As rational and confident person, we know when and where to put our energy to good use. Nobody should ever feel that they are more superior or inferior than others. All men are born equal. It is not the perceptions that others have about us that make us who we are but the values and traits that we have as another fellow human being.